Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The Light Starts to Enter the Tunnel

Today is Wednesday, October 29, 2008 and this is my first official post on this blog site. All the other posts were originally published on my Myspace blog. That blog is no more, or at least will be in a few short days. I've decided to get rid of Myspace and just stick with Facebook.

Life is a funny thing. A few posts ago I posted on the difficulties and struggles I'm currently having. I don't want to say that I'm no longer struggling with those things but it is definetally getting better. I think the trip to New Orleans was just what I needed. Quality time with Guy and Matt always seems to put things back into perspective for me. I honestly don't know what I would do without those two in my life. They are truly my brothers and I have been incredibly blessed to have them in my life for 8 years now. WOW how time flies. The trip was much more relaxed and chill than usual. I think it is a combination of the fact that I've gotten most of the crazy party side of me out of my system by now and part of it is that Matt is married with one kid out of the womb and another on the way. And Guy, well he's a lawyer working 60-70 hours a week so he's not much in the drinking mood either. But I actually really enjoyed the fact that the trip was so chill. All I was looking for was quality time with my brothers and that is exactly what I got.

Since coming back I have been going crazy with school and work. Life sure as hell never seems to slow down. I'm definetally hitting the stress out and freak out point with school. I have two big papers, a thesis that needs to be worked on way more than it has, and finals all before Christmas. Now Christmas seems like its far away still right? And in a certain sense it is, but when I look at it this way it seems much closer: I have the rest of this week. Then next week on Wednesday I leave for my Cousins wedding in Florida, which I'm beyond excited about, I'm going to see family members I haven't seen in ten years! I get back from that and then two weeks of class before I'm off to Wichita to teach at the Regan Institute and Thanksgiving. Then when I get back we have a week of classes and then finals. Essentially right now I'm looking at only 3 weekends left to get work done. Sadly weekends are the only time I have to get the bulk of my work down. Week days are tough because I work and then have either class or other commitments in the evenings. So I'd say I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

However, the silver lining in all this is that I'm super excited that this is all I have left. I mean it is going to zoom by! I'm starting to feel a hope and a joy again I haven't felt for several months. Yesterday I filled out all my registration forms for my LAST SEMESTER of graduate school! I'm so pumped! I'm going to have a Masters degree in less than seven months. It seems like just yesterday I was staring down the road at two long years of studying. I'm finally starting to the point in my journey where I can see the light seeping into the tunnel. I think the fact that I'm starting to feel the crunch of time to get things done gets me pumped up. I'm a work under pressure kind of guy and when it comes to get it done or fail I get moving. I am so motivated right now and I'm starting to feel a little bit like I did when I first started school and was reading every sentence of everything that was assigned.

My Thesis topic is pumping me up. I'm writing it on the effectiveness of the Knights of the Holy Queen in ministering to Young Men in today's current cultural situation. I've sent surveys out to several of the guys as well as several parents. I've gotten several of them back and the feedback has been awesome. I also went on Amazon yesterday and spent like $150 in books for my research. I just feel so blessed to able to write about something that I'm so passionate about. I'm getting to focus on and really study something I was so involved with in Wichita and that I have seen change so many lives that it is such an honor to be able to write about it.

God continues to amaze me. In the midst of all my struggles, frustrations, my whinning, bitching, and complaining, My Father in Heaven is still so faithful. I don't fully understand what He is trying to tell me in my life at this current moment, probably cause I suck at listening, but I can sense Him working. I still feel lonely a lot. My heart still aches daily because I'm not teaching. My heart still aches daily because I miss my friends and students in Wichita, but in the midst of all that I know this is the way it has to be. Sometimes it makes me angry that this is the way it has to be but I have to continually remind myself that HE is in control and not me. I know He's got something awesome in store for me. He always does. It just sucks when He has to purify and break me to prepare me for whatever that is.

I continue to pray, I continue to trust, and I continue to embrace the struggles I'm going through with as much joy as possible. I'm not always good at that last one, but I'm trying. Please continue to pray for me! Love you all!

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