This was published on February 27, 2008
God's grace and hand in my life amazes me. The other day I was praying and thinking about where I am in my life and it is literally never where I dreamed I would be 10 years ago as I was finishing High School (WOW I honestly can't believe it will be 10 years this June since I graduated High School!!!). As I sit back and think I have had so many dreams and ideas go through my head and am amazed at how much they have changed.
10 years ago I was frantically applying to and auditioning for half the Theater programs in the country. I honestly think I went to like 10 auditions and applied to like 22 schools. That is not an exaggeration! I loved acting in High School. There was nothing like being on stage and performing. I got a huge rush from it and some of my greatest memories from High School are from being in plays and the people that I got to be in them with. I was ready to make a career out of it. I wanted to be on stage my whole life. Little did I realize God had other plans.
I think the reason I had applied to so many schools was because I had such uncertainty and just didn't want to admit it to myslef. Theater was what I loved so it made sense to pursue that as a career. Then one night as I was talking to my youth ministers about it, they looked at me and said "We understand this is what you want to do, but is it what God wants you to do? Have you talked to Him about it?" I was completely taken a back, "What do you mean have I talked to him about it?" If this was what I wanted I was going to get it. Well wrong, shortly after that on retreat after a lot of prayer I realized this was not what God wanted and I needed to do His will.
Well that path was unsure and lead to U of I as a communications major and then eventually led me to Steubenville. After Steubenville my plan was to move to New Orleans and teach and hang out with my best friends and hopefully meet a cute Southern Belle to marry. Once again not God's plans and I ended up in Wichita, KS. Then my plan was to go and get my Masters in Counseling and finally after much fighting stay in Wichita for good. Once again not God's plan so now I'm in Denver working on my Masters and working two part time jobs. I have an idea of what I want to do after this is over but once again it probably won't be God's plan. I'm thinking I should probably just stop making plans all together because God has a funny way of changing those, and since He's God, his plans generally work out and mine don't.
I have to look back and laugh at myself. Theater, honestly what was I thinking? I loved it, it was fun, but when I look at old videos of myself doing it I go, ok I was pretty good but I'm no professional, never would have made it! Then New Orleans...sure it would have been fun but I would probably be more broke than I am now and an alcoholic, not to mention had my home taken away by Katrina. Plus I never would have met the amazing people God brought into my life in Wichita. The people there became family. Lastly, counseling, so I would make more money and still be comfortable in Wichita. But I wouldn't be being challenged to grow like I am. I wouldn't be being challenged to trust like I am and I wouldn't have met the great people I have now.
I am grateful that God's grace is bigger than I am. I am glad He is in control because no matter how difficult things seem when my plans fail in the end it is always so much better when His plans work out. Who knows who I would be had my plans come to fulfillment instead of God's? But I do know that life would not be as sweet or exciting. As tough as it is there is always something exciting about surrendering to God's plans!