A Call to Live

Who am I? I am a man, I am a husband, I am a friend, I am a son, I am a brother, but most important of all I am a Catholic. Being Catholic is something I can honestly say has been something that defines my very being and existence. Not in the sense that it is my Religion, but it in the sense that it is the vehicle that drives me into relationship with Christ. Jesus Christ is the very source of my existence. I am nothing without Him. Every struggle, successes, failure, and joy I have is seen in light of my relationship with Him. Everything that happens in my life is call from Him to engage some aspect of my relationship with Him.

I've been reading a book by Fr. Jaques Philippe called "Called to Life." The book focuses on God's call in our lives, primarily the call to exist as human persons. This book is so simple yet so profound. In reading this book during my prayer time it has caused me to contemplate on the beautiful gift of life God has given me and that everything that occurs in our lives comes with grace and an invitation to love God more deeply through our experiences. Philippe writes, "Openness to the call is openness to the fullness of life. Not only natural, physical, emotional, and intellectual life, but also the life realized through relationships, love, communion and, ultimately through participation in divine, supernatural life. Every call is a call to love more and find fulfillment by participating in the purity and ardor of divine love." Every experience we have is a calling to enter into this relationship.

Philippe goes on to say that every trial in our lives is a call to faith. Do we believe God is there? Do we rely on his mercy and grace? Every trial is also a call to Hope. In whom do we place our trust during these times? Do we expect to get through it on our own? Trials are also tests of love, especially in our relationships. Do we choose to love even when it hurts or is difficult? When the good times come these are invitations to be thankful and receive the gifts in their fullness Philippe tells us.

I've really been meditating on these things over the past few weeks. They really hit me in a powerful way. To be in relationship with Christ is to bring Him into everything; the joys and the struggles. The world tells us to run from our sufferings and failures. Christ tells us to embrace them and come to encounter Him more deeply through them. It is by doing this that we will experience life to its fullest. In allowing ourselves to experience these little deaths and sufferings and our lives we will become more alive. Through our sufferings we conform ourselves more and more to the one who gives us life and are able to experience joy more fully. Our goal should be to one day say with St. Paul, "I have been crucified with Christ and life I now live is no longer my own but Christ who lives in me."

I feel as if Christ is blessing me with incredible graces. I want nothing more than to live life fully in Him. Every relationship and friendship I have experienced has been Christ showing me his face on this earth. Every struggle and difficulty I have had to overcome has made me the man I am and brought me to where I am today. Every joy small, and large, has been a manifestation of God's glory in my life. As St. Irenaeus said, "The Glory of God is man fully alive." We become fully alive in accepting EVERYTHING that comes our way and asking God not "why is this happening?" but "what are you calling me to through this situation?"

To all my wife, friends, and family: Everything I have experienced with you, the good, the great, the bad and the ugly, has been an experience from God to bring us closer through trials and joys. You have been His instrument in helping me live His call to live! Let us continue to live life to its fullest so that one day we may behold His face. Let us strive to arrive at the Heavenly Banquet where we will truly live there the way God intended us to live for all eternity!

2010 In Review

It's time for the top 10 Best and Worst of 2010. Overall this really was an incredible year. The Best Greatly outweighs the worst.

Top 10 Worst

10. Having my Driver Side window on my car smashed in and discovering it at 5:00a.m. on my way to the gym one morning.

9. Engagement. It sucks, don't do it unless its 6 months or less. The beginning of 2010 marked 7 months of being engaged and 6 more to go.

8. House hunting. Owning a house is great, but going through the process of trying to find one was awful.

7. My car breaking down in the middle of nowhere Colorado on our way home over Labor Day Weekend.

6. Having to drop lots of money on car repairs.

5. Stripping our house of wallpapper.

4. Gaining some weight back

3. Not having my cousin Fernando at our wedding.

2. Although not all of them or even most of them but having to deal with more than my usual number of apathetic students. In other words a growing sense of apathy an entitlement among my students.

1. David's death and having to watch my students suffer through that.

So you see aside from number 1 I can honestly say that the other 9 were really not so horrible just the worst in an amazing year.

10 Best

10. Our Trip to Denver for Ashley and Alex's Wedding.

9. Buying our first home! As awful as the hunt was and then having to deal with stripping the wallpaper in the end it was all worth it! We love our little home!

8. My Bachelor Party in New Orleans

7. Our Trip to Texas for Erin and Ryan's Wedding

6. Our Trip to Illinois for the second wedding reception my parents had for us

5. Sitting on the back deck of Andrew's house hanging out with Fr. Kevin, Chris, Tony, Guy, Steve, and Blake two nights before the wedding having a mini bachelor party.

4. Our Trip to Denver for Jackie's wedding and Thanksgiving.

3. My parents coming to visit us for a weekend in November and getting to spend some good quality time with them.

2. Honeymoon in Aruba.

1. Our Wedding Day. This day and the week leading up to it is full of so many amazing moments that I should honestly do a Top 10 list of my favorite moments just from that week and day. We are so blessed!

As 2011 begins we look forward to our first full year of being married and are excited to see what God has in store for us. Goodbye 2010, hello 2011!

Glory Hidden in Simplicity

I just stumbled upon this old blog of mine tonight as I sit here at my in laws ignoring the movie playing in the background. Wow! It has been a freaking long time since I blogged and I really need to get back into it. I really miss it in a lot of ways. Blogging has been a great outlet for me in the past and honestly I just really enjoy writing. I guess other things in life have taken priority. Not that this is a bad thing its just been different. I'm hoping maybe I can get back into it in the coming year.

Life has been simple and uneventful the last few months and I love it. After a year of being engaged, planning a wedding, and helping my now wife get adjusted to Wichita it is nice to feel some smidgen of normalcy. The wedding was incredible. The Honeymoon was wonderful. We love our house and the day to day of married life is peaceful. We enjoy the simple time and days with each other and with friends. Essentially it is life simply lived. Not too much drama, not too much excitement, just the simplicity of existence. I continue to love my job at Bishop Carroll. Teaching continues to be something that breathes life into me every day. Mary Beth has been substitute teaching almost every day at Bishop Carroll also. I love getting to see her beautiful face there. We really are enjoying wedded bliss at the moment in time but not on some huge over emotional level; rather on a simple and joyful level. I love that we get to cook for each other; I love that we enjoy quiet evenings on the couch watching movies or t.v; I love that we enjoy nights playing games and drinking a glass of wine; I love that we enjoy relaxing evenings with friends; I love that we go to mass and adoration together almost every day; Simply put I love that life is not exciting or stressful and that in itself is exciting.

I'm sitting in the warmth of Texas tonight anticipating the celebration of our first Christmas as a married couple. I miss my family and friends in Rockford terribly but I also love being here with my in-laws. Its weird but it feels just as comfortable being here as it does being in Rockford.

There is a simple joy in being sure of God's presence and grace in one's life. For me the surety comes from the sacraments, my students, my friends, my family, and most importantly the simple everyday living of the living out my vocation with the person God has destined me for. Life is by no means perfect. We have had our struggles in these first few months, but through the joys and struggles I can see that God, with my wife as His instrument and me as His instrument for her is leading us both to perfection and virtue. So as Christmas comes upon us and I look upon the simplicity of the manger I am reminded that it is in the simplicity that God's glory is revealed! Merry Christmas all!

Noone Owes You Anything!

On Ash Wednesday Fr. Jarrod gave a homily on rejecting a sense of entightlement. I think most of my Freshmen slept during that homily.

I'm scared for the future of our world and fear the success of those I teach. I fear raising a child some day in this world. I'm discovering that the two biggest problems in our world and especially among our youth are Apathy and a Sense of entightlement. This is why the health care bill passed, this is why we are in an economic crisis, this is why Obama is our president and this why my Freshmen this semester have caused me so much frustration.

I am currently seeing the lowest grades amongst my freshmen than I have in the six years of my teaching career. I am experiencing the largest number of students that I have ever experienced refusing to do assignments and turn in work. On the last unit test I gave I had 70% of my Freshmen get a D or F on it. In previous years on that same test I had 70% of them get an A or a B on it. All I hear from them is complaining and that its too hard and when I ask them if they have done the reading or the study guides (mind you I give them a study guide with every question from the test on it) they say no. I actually had a girl tell me that she would read if the Bible was more entertaining, its just boring so she wasn't going to read it. I told her God wrote only one book and I wouldn't want to be her on judgement day when God asked her if she had read His book and she has to say no. Probably not the most charitable response but what can I say I was frustrated.

I'm trying my best to be loving and patient but I wonder what the most loving thing is sometimes. I think of the story where Jesus went into the temple and knocked tables over and drove the money changers out of the temple, or his harsh words to the Pharisees. These were harsh words but they were loving. I guess I'm reaching the Jesus knocking tables over phaze in the semester and I'm ready to go into the class room and over turn some desks!

Here is what I would like to tell my Freshmen:

Dear Freshmen,

Noone owes you anything. I'm not here to entertain you. I'm here to help you get to heaven and teach you the importance of scripture and the amazing story of how God saved us. If you don't find that exciting and entertaining then I feel sorry for you. I'm sorry you have to use your brains and that there is not a youtube, movie, or video game version of this available! I'm sorry that I can't effectively text you all this information! In Revelation it says that it is better for you to be hot or cold than lukewarm for if you are lukewarm God will spew you forth from his mouth! I hate to break it to all of you but most of you fall into this lukewarm category. I fear for your souls and success in life. You are some of the brightest students I've ever taught yet the laziest I've ever met! I've done everything I can to help you and convey the beauty and importance of the Old Testament and you have refused to put in any work on your part. You expect everything to be done for you and want the easy way out of everything. Well guess what I'm tiered of stressing out over it. I will continue with what I'm doing. If you want to join me great if not you may fail and I will let you. Have a nice life!

Sounds a little harsh huh? Well I don't know if that is the approach to take or not. All I know is that I am at my whitts end and want them so badly to see the importance of the Old Testament. I want them to care and actually put forth some effort. I don't know how to do that any more than I already have. I guess I'm just asking God for patience and perseverence at this point. It has become a battle of the wills and I'm resigning myself to the fact that I can't make them accept this message or work hard. It has to come from them.

The Spirit of the Soverign Lord is Upon Us

Could you imagine if we could actually see the spiritual world mixed in with the physical world? Could you imagine being able to see our Gaurdian Angels at our side everyday? Could you imagine actually seeing all the Angels of God gathered around the alter at mass in worship of our Great King? Could you imagine seeing the demons around us that are fighting against the angels for our souls? Could you imagine clearly seeing Mary when we ask for her intercession? What if we actually lived as if the spiritual world was real and present among us?

There is a reality which so many of us fail to really grasp, even those of us that are devout Catholics. Do we really get the spiritual realities that are present every single day, be they good ones that lead us closer to God or evil ones that try to tempt us away from Him. This is something I have really been meditating on and asking for the Grace to more fully grasp over this past year. During my prayer time I seek to drink deeply of God's love and grace in the Eucharist so that I may constantly be aware of his presence at every moment of every day. Granted this is something that is not easy to do but I can honsetly tell you that one begins to really see the world differently when one begins to catch glimpses of the spiritual realities that are there.

When we begin to see the power of God in our lives and the reality of His presence in EVERYTHING the things that really matter seem to come into focus and the trivial matters of this world begin to fall by the wayside.

In the last year I have really started to see the Spiritual realm as a reality that is more real than the temporal earthly one we live in. This is not to say I'm not affected by the world and have achieved a state of perfection. No, I still sin, I still get caught up in the things of this world, but I can honsetly say that in a sense I have honestly almost felt a distinct presence of the spirit of God in my presence at many times throughout the day.

In less than four months I will blessed to enter into the Holy Sacrament of Matrimony. The last several months have been an incredible joy but also a struggle. We have had to fight our own selfish desires to live Chastity. By God's grace we have been succesful but for the first time I've truly understood what people have meant when they said enagement sucks. In those moments I have had serious moments where I have felt a touch of God's hand and the His still small voice encouraging us. In the past few months we have really learned a lot about communication and we continue to learn. We have learned to argue and work through dissagreements. At every moment when it has been hard I have felt an incredible outpouring of God's grace drawing us closer together through those moments. We have looked at a ton of houses, put five offers down and lost four. We saw some crap and been incredibly frustrated wondering if we would ever find something. Through that I felt God's hand and constant voice telling us to be patient and know that He was in control and would take care of us. We now have a house and will be closing on it on March 25th, the Solemnity of the Annunciation. Mary Beth will move in first to get things ready and then I will move in after the wedding in July. Throughout the days with my students I am aware of God's presence leading and guiding me in what to say, in helping me with patience and charity. I don't always respond to those movements as I should but there is a growing awarenece of this. I attribute all this to the constant growth in my prayer life. I live and breath by that silent time I get with my Lord daily. If we want to become aware of the Spiritual world, we MUST pray!

I have never felt so blessed in my life. I have an amazing job. I have a beautiful fiancee. I have a loving family and incredible friends. All these things are gifts from God that lead me to achieve and live what is most important: to strive for heaven and live in the awareness of God and the spiritual realities that exist to battle for our souls every single day!

Moving to the Rythms of Grace

It has been a while since a post. Its been a lot tougher to blog since teaching started and the move back to Wichita. This one will be brief but it will be at least something for now.

Life has been a total gift these days. I truly feel, as the Matt Maher Song Says, that I'm moving to the rythms of God's grace. Every day is a new challange, a new adventure, a new joy. I feel as if I am experience Christ in a new way everyday, be that through my students, my fellow teachers, and through both the joys and struggles Mary Beth and I are experiencing. For the first time in a long time I feel like God is in control. I have learned to surrender a little more each day and allow God to take the reigns in a way I never have before. Of course there is always room for improvement, however I am more aware of God's hand acting in my life more than I ever have been.

I have been seeing the fruit of God's work in my life a lot lately. The first fruit I've been experiencing is the fruit of a prayer life that really began to take shape early last semester. Through taking the time to spend at least 20-30 minutes in silent mediation every single day I have encountered a peace and an awareness of God's presence that have allowed me to have this attitude of surrender. Another fruit is the fact that I have been blessed with the opportunity to run into several former students and see how awesomely God is working in their lives. Even the ones who have not had full on conversions are growing up and really taking their lives and studies very seriously. The final and most amazing fruit is my relationship with Mary Beth. She is challenging me to grow so much. She truly makes me desire sainthood in a way I never have before. She motivates me to keep my prayer life and desire for Holiness going because she not only makes me want to get to heaven but I want to see her in heaven and I know that if I want to be a good husband to her some day soon and eventually a good Father to our children I have to strive for holiness now more than ever.

That's all for now. Hopefully I will write more soon. May God continued to be glorified in all our prayers and works!

Life in Wichita: Round 2

I am about to begin week 4 of teaching. Life really never seems to slow down. It has been one month and two days since the move back to Wichita. In many ways it seems like I never left and I have been able to slip right back into life here. But in other ways I know life is radically different than it was three years ago. I have a beautiful fiancée who I am planning a wedding with. I am trying to help Mary Beth adjust to life here. She has given up so much to move here and for that I am forever grateful. In many ways I can see she loves it but I also know she is struggling and having a tough time with the transition. I have a Masters degree now. I am so grateful for the knowledge I received at the AI and I truly feel like it is making me a better teacher.

I remember my first night back here. I had just left the Brandt’s from helping Mary Beth unload her stuff. I was in my new room surrounded by a sea of boxes. I couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of joy to be back but at the same time a deep sense of loss for the life I left behind in Denver. There is no way this transition would be nearly as easy without Mary Beth. But nonetheless even when change comes and I want it there always seems to be some sense of loss that comes with it.

At the same time I know this is where God wants us for now. I have the best job in the world. Nothing brings me greater joy than sharing Christ in the classroom and nothing brings me greater joy than to do it at Bishop Carroll. It is an amazing school with incredible students and an administration that I am proud to work for. In many ways things haven’t changed much around Carroll, same students just different faces, same schedule and routine. But in other ways there is a new and exciting adventure with it. A whole new wing of the building has been added. There is a brand new activities complex. The new gym is beautiful and is a testament to the amazing generosity and stewardship way of life that the people of this diocese have embraced. It is actually kind of nice to be teaching a whole new set of students I have never taught before. I get so excited to wake up every morning and go teach. It is so humbling to be given the opportunity to be able to have the opportunity to share the Gospel with young souls. I gave a test earlier this week and as I walked around the room I paused for a moment and looked around the room. I remember being in awe of God’s plan for my life and being so thankful for every student in the room. I asked God to bless them and guide them as they took their test. I don’t think I’ve ever had this strong a desire for every student of mine to get to Heaven.

I didn’t realize how much my experience in Denver had changed me until I started teaching again. Don’t get me wrong I still had a desire for the salvation of my students before and still tried very hard to love them and teach them to the best of my ability but something in me is different and it is hard to explain. I feel settled. I feel at peace. I feel more patient and loving. I feel more in love with my subject. I feel more connected to Christ in prayer. I feel the flame of Faith burning brighter than it ever has in me. I just pray God continues to use me in the way He sees fit.

Life has fallen into a routine around here. The alarm goes off at 4:50 a.m. I go work out at the Y then I go teach for the day. Then I meet Mary Beth for 5:30 p.m. mass after work. Then we spend some time in Adoration followed by dinner. Then we spend some time either just hanging out or doing wedding planning. It in many ways seems uneventful and ordinary but when I know it is exactly what God wants me to be doing it is far from uneventful it is an adventure that I am thrilled to be on. Every moment of saying yes to my King and cooperating with His grace even in those moments that I really didn’t want to has brought me to here and here is exactly where I am happy to be, because here is God’s plan and that is way better than anything I would have been able to come up with. From here the journey continues and I am excited for what He will continue to do and show me throughout this year and the rest of my life!

Praise God from whom all Blessings Flow!