My mother-in-law constantly says to us, “when are you
moving to Texas?” I have honestly always
thought to myself that this was unlikely.
After this election I can honestly say that this has become a real
possibility now. I think that it will be
the safest place to be when our economy crashes.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Post Election Thoughts
I went to bed early last night, about 9:45. I decided I didn’t want to wait for them to
call the election. I woke up at about
4:30 this morning to check the results and then workout. I have refrained from sharing my true
reaction because I really wanted to reflect on it and take it to prayer
today. I’ve decided that I need to get
my thoughts down. They may seem irrational to some of you but I don’t
care. You can disagree with me but if
you do I don’t want to hear it on here.
I will delete any and all negative comments. Comments that are in agreement with how I am
feeling are welcome but I am not in the mood to “dialogue” about this right
now.
First of all, I’m angry at all the Catholics that voted
for Obama in this election. The outcome
is mainly on you. Most of you should
know better. The Church was clear. You disobeyed. This makes me angry. I’m tired of people claiming my faith and my Church and then only following it when it is “convenient”. I’m sorry you didn’t like Romney as an option,
I was not thrilled with him either but he was clearly the lesser of two evils
and the best option we had. You have betrayed me and my Church by voting for
Obama. End of discussion.
Second of all I’m scared.
I had to pause my workout this morning and go check on my daughter who
was crying. As I picked her up to
console her, a ton of emotion flooded over me and I must admit I shed a couple
tears as I was holding her. I am
terrified of the world she is going to grow up in. This administration is going to continue to
further the culture of death and I truly fear the kind of America my daughter
will grow up in. I don’t think America is going to be able to
recover from this. In addition to the
President, the moral depravity that people in certain states voted to legalize
is atrocious and God will judge us as a nation for it! Have mercy on us Oh Lord!
Thirdly, I feel betrayed by family and friends who
refused to see the impact this administration is having on religious
liberty. I understand you may not fully
agree with what I believe but for you to go ahead and vote for someone who
wants to take away my religious liberties is hurtful. This could result in me
losing my job or me being fined and thrown in jail because I refuse to pay for
things that violate my conscience. This election was personal and the fact that
you decided you look the other way on this issue makes me disappointed. I still love all of you but I am sad. I understand some of you may not fully know or understand why I feel this way but I need you to know that I do feel this way. I hope and pray I am wrong about all these
things occurring but for the first time in American History they are real
possibilities.
Lastly, I am still trusting in God. My resolve to Evangelize and fight for our culture is growing stronger within me. I will preach and teach the truth more fervently. I will continue to teach my students the truth regardless of how it is taken. I will share Christ with whomever I encounter. The sense of urgency for us to evangelize has only gotten stronger. If you are a Catholic you must join me and the Church in this mission. It is our moral obligation to preach the truth to others. We cannot go down without a fight. We cannot be silent anymore. Our Catholic faith cannot just be about you or me sitting in the pew at Sunday mass. It has to be about being transformed and going forth to share that joy with others.
For the sake of His sorrowful passion, have mercy on us
and on the whole world!
Monday, September 10, 2012
Random Rant/Reflection
So here I am finally getting around
to blogging again! I have the best intentions of blogging every week but then
life happens and before I know it, it has been over a month since my last blog
post. Oh well so goes life. Since I actually have a ton of things on my brain
I've been wanting to blog about I figured I would write on a bunch of little
things rather than one big blog (Kind of like a 7 quick takes blog, except it
is not Friday and I feel like I would be breaking some sort of unspoken blogger
rule calling this a 7 quick takes on a Monday). However, this won't be too
quick, so grab a cup of coffee, a beer, or a glass of Whiskey and read on my
friends!
----1----
I have begun to settle into my 9th
year of teaching. This would be my 11th year had I not taken two years off to
get my Masters. I still can't get over the fact that it has been 10 years since
I first moved to Wichita and started teaching at Bishop Carroll. It is weird
that I have spent most of my young adult life here. To think that 10 years ago
I was not happy to be here and even mad at God for bringing me here and now I
love it here and am so thankful God brought me here. I can honestly say I teach
at one of the best Catholic Schools in the nation and have been blessed to be a
part of so many students’ lives. I don't know if I will be here the rest of my
life but I can say that this diocese and Bishop Carroll have played an indispensable
part in my formation as a man and a teacher. When I think about the last 10
years, I can't help but think about the quote from Mother Teresa, "If you
want to make God laugh tell Him your plans."
----2----
Sophia is awesome! I LOVE being a
Dad! It is crazy how much life is changing. She is getting to be so big. Not to
mention she is already trying to crawl. She is not being successful yet but I'm
sure it is coming. She is able to get on all fours but then when she attempts
to crawl she face plants and doesn't get anywhere. I can't even believe it has
been 4 and a half months since she was born. In some weird way it is hard to
remember life without her.
----3----
I am so tiered of politics. I am
especially tired of Catholics interpreting Catholic teaching in a way that
helps than sleep at night; rather than interpreting it correctly. We are
Catholics first and Americans second, period! I'm tired of Catholics trying to
justify voting for Obama. We as Catholics cannot vote for him, end of
discussion!
----4----
I had a friend e-mail me this last Friday.
It is by a professor at Benedictine College. I think it quite nicely summarizes
the way we are called to live. I really needed this last week:
5 tips for living an awesome life
Dr. Mulholland
1. Believe that the sacraments work.
Really. Base your journey to God, beleaguering marathon that it is, on the pit
stops that He himself designed and placed throughout your day, week and year.
Live the liturgical seasons as real events with real graces to harvest in order
to live out the unique role that you have in God’s plan. Live knowing that God
wants you happy, weak sinner that you are, because He loves you as a child, and
has given you a brother in Christ, who in turn has shared with you a mother in
Our Lady. Live in awe of those holy men and women, named and unnamed, who did
so much to hand down the Catholic Faith to us. Feel part of something great and
carry it on.
2. Find out what God wants you to do
with your life. Don’t over stress about it, but don’t put it off. Tim McGraw,
in his song “My Next 30 Years” (in his case, from age 30 to 60) includes among
his goals, “…figure out just what I’m doing here.” I would suggest a more
aggressive timetable. The perennial question? How do I know what I’m doing is
what God wants? Tough one. Two clues: it doesn’t contradict his plan and you
feel deeply fulfilled doing it. First prize, a vocation. Second prize, a
profession. Third prize, a career. Fourth prize, a job. In your creation is
your calling. Do what fulfills the good qualities God has given you, and which
puts them at the service of others, for their betterment.
3. Think of that vocation in wide
terms. Your first task is to be God’s creature and adopted child. You live that
out as a priest, religious, married or single person. How you make a living
should not rule how you live your life. But have education enough to do both.
Let your professional life be at the service of your family life, and in turn
at the service of God. Concentric circles pulling toward the center will unify
your life. A pie graph where each section contends for your personality and
focus will pull you apart and leave you unhappy.
4. Build community. Surround
yourself with people who share your deepest loves. And make sure those loves
are worthy of that depth. Don’t take too many things too seriously, but take
very seriously the things that deserved to be so taken. Build others up
constantly. Shed anger and petty grudges as soon as possible. Show the people
you love that you love them. Often. Prefer to visit people rather than places.
Never be too busy to make new friends. Carve time out of your week to reach out
to others. Other people’s happiness is so your business!
5. Savor things. Don’t escape from
things (drugs, alcohol, superficiality), escape into them (poetry, nature, good
conversation, good music, beer in bottles, not cans.) Take walks. Think thoughts.
Ponder the goodness of others more often than their faults. Make and take
jokes. Laugh. See each day as a gratuitous mystery in which God has hidden
Himself in your path in a million ways. Never tire of finding Him in them, be
they joys, pains, petty annoyances or your team making the playoffs.
Bottom line: The real you is saint
you. Who you truly are is who you are in God’s eyes. And who you are in his
eyes is who you can be each day by combining the best of you, little though
that be, and the infinity of his greatness.
Because… after all, the only real
criterion of an awesome life is if it was lived in such a way that it merits
true awesomeness hereafter. Listen and play along to the part you have in the
symphony of the universe. The true symphony is still to come. May our lives,
under God’s grace and direction, resound a worthy overture.
----5----
I am completely addicted to playing
Ticket to Ride lately. My wifeand I played it just the two of us quite a bit over
the summer. Now we keep trying to find excuses to get together with other
friends to play it or teach them how to play.
----6----
God is so good to us. I am
constantly amazed at how He takes care of us. Every time I start to stress out
financially about something He makes it work for us. At the beginning of the
summer the Augustine Institute didn't have a job for me as a TA anymore and
then along came Jim Beckman and offered me a position working under him with
FORMED. This summer when we started to stress about the budget along came Fr.
Hoisington at St. Mark's and offered me a paid position teaching Junior and
Senior PSR two Wednesday's a month. Mary Beth is still able to substitute teach
two days a week and we have been blessed with free child care thus far. I
honestly believe this is because we have been faithful with Stewardship. I have
started lectoring at our parish and will be helping teach RCIA this next year.
We give of our treasure to the parish and help support two FOCUS missionaries.
This is the first thing we take out of our paychecks. To a family that makes
what we do and has the bills we have this hurts but I can honestly say we have
never gone without what we need. I am amazed at how the budget works and comes
together every month but it does. Every good gift truly comes from God. When we
place our trust in Him and put Him in control of everything, including our
finances He provides in powerful ways.
----7----
My prayer life is finally getting back on track again. I am
slowly getting back in the swing of it and finding moments for silence. It has
seriously been a challenge to figure out any sort of routine much less a prayer
routine with a baby. Finding time to pray became a real challenge when Sophia was
born and I seriously missed my silent time with Jesus but didn't know how to
find a groove with it, especially this summer. With school starting I have made
it a point to go to mass every day and simply take at least 20-30 minutes of
one of my planning periods to go to the chapel and pray no matter how stressed
I am or how much I have to do. I am making prayer a priority again and I am
noticing a huge difference in my life just from returning to it in the last two
weeks. I am starting to find that true peace and joy in my life again that I
didn't even realize was missing.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Engaging the Battle
I’m getting ready to go on retreat with 50-60 young men
this weekend. They range in age from
freshmen in High School to men out of college and in their early years in the
work force. The name of this group is
the Knights of the Holy Queen. We are a
group of young men that is consecrated to the Blessed Virgin Mary and striving
to live lives of virtue and honor in this crazy world of ours. Every time I am with this group of young men
my faith is renewed and my hope in humanity seems to be restored. These guys are real. These guys are far from perfect but the
beauty of this group is the perseverance these young men have. They are not good men because they never
fall, rather they are good men because they get back up and keep fighting when
they fall. The whole theme of our
retreat this weekend is Engaging in the
Battle. In other words, how can we
be men who live in the world and fight for what is true, good, and beautiful in
this life. This is a question that has
been on my mind quite a bit lately, especially in light of what is going on in
our country and throughout the world.
How do we change and affect this world when it seems like everything
that is being thrown at us is in direct opposition to the way we as Catholics
are called to live our lives?
St. Paul says it best in his letter to the Ephesians:
“Finally, draw your strength from the Lord and from his mighty power. Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil. For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens. Therefore, put on the armor of God, that you may be able to resist on the evil day and, having done everything, to hold your ground. So stand fast with your loins girded in truth, clothed with righteousness as a breastplate, and your feet shod in readiness for the gospel of peace. In all circumstances, hold faith as a shield, to quench all [the] flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit. To that end, be watchful with all perseverance and supplication for all the holy ones"(Ephesians 6: 10-18)
We are in a SPIRITUAL battle. It is very real. We have no choice but to either engage in it or be defeated by it. There is no room for sitting on the fence or watching from the sidelines. Christianity is not a spectator sport. You are either a varsity starter or a couch potato. There is no in between when it comes to being a Christian, especially in today’s culture. But what does this look like practically? We can’t all be Mother Teresa and John Paul IIs. We can’t all be good Catholic politicians. We can preach, protest, and pray but at the end of the day Obama might get re-elected, the HHS mandate pass, and abortion remain legal. Does that mean that we have failed or lost the battle as Christians? Absolutely not! The victory has already been won! But how do we cooperate with that victory?
Within the first few weeks of my daughter’s birth I was sitting on the couch watching TV and she was sleeping on my lap. In that moment I came to this new realization: There is very little I can do about the world as a whole, but what I can do is live my life as an example of holiness for my daughter and raise her to become a great Saint! That is my contribution to the world. That is what I am called to! What an amazing thing. I can be Mother Theresa to my family, to my students, and to those I encounter. My Calcutta is my own small circle of people. So to break it down here is what I believe I am called to do engage in the battle:
Love My God Above All Else: I have to cultivate a personal relationship with Christ. He must be my number one every day. That means taking time to seek Him out and engage in prayer with Him EVERY DAY!
Love my Wife and family: This is my primary vocation. I need to die to myself and put the needs of my spouse above my own. I need to serve her and give my whole heart to her. I must call her to holiness and lead her to heaven no matter what the cost. Through this then together we must love our daughter unconditionally and lead her to heaven. We must form her and raise her in the faith and give her all the tools she needs to become a Saint. We must to the same with any other children God blesses us with.
Love my students and give them truth: My secondary vocation is to be a teacher. Not just any teacher, but a teacher of the faith. This comes with huge responsibilities. I must love my students unconditionally. I am called to impart the truth and lead them to encounter Christ in a personal and intimate way. Through educating and forming them I pray that I can be God’s instrument that plants seeds in them so that they go out and transform the culture. Maybe I am forming a future Mother Teresa, JP II, or politician.
Be an example in my own parish and community: If I live my life the best way I can by loving my god, family, and my students then I can pray that witness influences others. I may not solve world hunger but I can volunteer to help the poor in my community. I may not convert the Muslims but I might inspire those in my parish or some of my friends to be better Catholics. The point is that if I simply strive to live in a way that bears witness to Christ in my own circle and corner of the world then I am affecting this world and engaging in the battle. By being involved in something like the Knights of the Holy Queen God could be using me to impact more lives than I could ever imagine.
I need to stop worrying about the outcome of elections and the larger problems in our world in a way that causes me to get distracted about the things I CAN do right in front of me. This doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be informed or not vote, or not care about those problems it simply means that my role in solving those problems starts with doing the things that I mentioned above. As Mother Teresa said if you want to change the world, “Go home and start loving your families!”
So I’m heading on retreat this weekend and praying that God uses me and the others involved to affect some lives that will then in turn affect the culture and world we live in. Please pray for us! Let us find the battles we can fight and win and not worry about the ones we can’t. That my friends will lead to being on the winning side when the war comes to an end!
St. Paul says it best in his letter to the Ephesians:
“Finally, draw your strength from the Lord and from his mighty power. Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil. For our struggle is not with flesh and blood but with the principalities, with the powers, with the world rulers of this present darkness, with the evil spirits in the heavens. Therefore, put on the armor of God, that you may be able to resist on the evil day and, having done everything, to hold your ground. So stand fast with your loins girded in truth, clothed with righteousness as a breastplate, and your feet shod in readiness for the gospel of peace. In all circumstances, hold faith as a shield, to quench all [the] flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. With all prayer and supplication, pray at every opportunity in the Spirit. To that end, be watchful with all perseverance and supplication for all the holy ones"(Ephesians 6: 10-18)
We are in a SPIRITUAL battle. It is very real. We have no choice but to either engage in it or be defeated by it. There is no room for sitting on the fence or watching from the sidelines. Christianity is not a spectator sport. You are either a varsity starter or a couch potato. There is no in between when it comes to being a Christian, especially in today’s culture. But what does this look like practically? We can’t all be Mother Teresa and John Paul IIs. We can’t all be good Catholic politicians. We can preach, protest, and pray but at the end of the day Obama might get re-elected, the HHS mandate pass, and abortion remain legal. Does that mean that we have failed or lost the battle as Christians? Absolutely not! The victory has already been won! But how do we cooperate with that victory?
Within the first few weeks of my daughter’s birth I was sitting on the couch watching TV and she was sleeping on my lap. In that moment I came to this new realization: There is very little I can do about the world as a whole, but what I can do is live my life as an example of holiness for my daughter and raise her to become a great Saint! That is my contribution to the world. That is what I am called to! What an amazing thing. I can be Mother Theresa to my family, to my students, and to those I encounter. My Calcutta is my own small circle of people. So to break it down here is what I believe I am called to do engage in the battle:
Love My God Above All Else: I have to cultivate a personal relationship with Christ. He must be my number one every day. That means taking time to seek Him out and engage in prayer with Him EVERY DAY!
Love my Wife and family: This is my primary vocation. I need to die to myself and put the needs of my spouse above my own. I need to serve her and give my whole heart to her. I must call her to holiness and lead her to heaven no matter what the cost. Through this then together we must love our daughter unconditionally and lead her to heaven. We must form her and raise her in the faith and give her all the tools she needs to become a Saint. We must to the same with any other children God blesses us with.
Love my students and give them truth: My secondary vocation is to be a teacher. Not just any teacher, but a teacher of the faith. This comes with huge responsibilities. I must love my students unconditionally. I am called to impart the truth and lead them to encounter Christ in a personal and intimate way. Through educating and forming them I pray that I can be God’s instrument that plants seeds in them so that they go out and transform the culture. Maybe I am forming a future Mother Teresa, JP II, or politician.
Be an example in my own parish and community: If I live my life the best way I can by loving my god, family, and my students then I can pray that witness influences others. I may not solve world hunger but I can volunteer to help the poor in my community. I may not convert the Muslims but I might inspire those in my parish or some of my friends to be better Catholics. The point is that if I simply strive to live in a way that bears witness to Christ in my own circle and corner of the world then I am affecting this world and engaging in the battle. By being involved in something like the Knights of the Holy Queen God could be using me to impact more lives than I could ever imagine.
I need to stop worrying about the outcome of elections and the larger problems in our world in a way that causes me to get distracted about the things I CAN do right in front of me. This doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be informed or not vote, or not care about those problems it simply means that my role in solving those problems starts with doing the things that I mentioned above. As Mother Teresa said if you want to change the world, “Go home and start loving your families!”
So I’m heading on retreat this weekend and praying that God uses me and the others involved to affect some lives that will then in turn affect the culture and world we live in. Please pray for us! Let us find the battles we can fight and win and not worry about the ones we can’t. That my friends will lead to being on the winning side when the war comes to an end!
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
10 Years Later Episode 1: Ode to Franciscan University
Ten years! It has
been ten years since I graduated from college.
I can’t believe it has been that long.
I never thought my life would be what it is today when I drove out of
Steubenville 10 years ago. Franciscan
University was an amazing place to go to college. I honestly don’t think people who didn’t go
there can ever really grasp what my college experience was like. It was so incredibly unique and marked by so
many experiences that seem completely foreign to the average college student. Most
college students are encouraged by their fellow classmates to get laid and
hammered while most of us at Franciscans had friends who challenged us not to
do those things. Everything about Franciscan was unique, odd
even; from the household system, to the professors, to the eclectic people that
went there to the cafeteria food and to the semester abroad program in Gaming
Austria. It was a place that deeply
changed me and forever left an imprint on my soul. I would not be the man I am had I not gone to
school there and if I had to do it all over again I wouldn’t change a single
thing about it.
I still very vividly remember the day I arrived on campus in
August of 1999. My dad and I got up very
early and began the 8 hour drive from Rockford, IL to Steubenville, OH. We
pulled up in front of Marian Hall and we were instantly greeted by some very welcoming
and energetic students that were part of the Orientation team. I remember one of those happy faces being my
friend Mary who I knew from Rockford. My
dad and I barely had to lift a thing.
They unloaded the entire car and moved me into my dorm room. My dad and I then walked around to get me
checked in and get things in order. I
remember taking my dad to show him the Port.
On the way to the port I remember meeting a girl named Sarah. Sarah was in a household called the Roses of
the Immaculate Heart of Mary. She
introduced herself to us and took the time to make sure we knew our way
around. After that my dad called my mom
to check in and I will never forget him saying to her, “This is a good
place. There is something different
about this school. Our son picked a good
place to go to school.” This meant the
world to me because my parents had been having a tough time with my decision to
go there and major in Theology. Shortly
thereafter my dad left and I was left to unpack and get ready for the
orientation activities. I was placed in
a small group where a guy named Courtney Brown was my leader. I instantly felt like I was home within hours
of arriving on campus.
Within that first year I made some incredible friends. I joined the Knights of the Holy Queen, got
involved in SENT, which was a retreat ministry, and dove head first into the
life of the campus. Daily mass and
adoration became part of my daily routines.
Instead of going to parties and getting hammered I filled my weekends at
the Castle. The Castle was an old house
off campus where the older members of the Knights lived. Evenings there consisted of meaningful
conversations, laughter over ridiculous things, playing mafia, guitar playing,
and just a general atmosphere of joy and genuine friendship. Don’t get me wrong the beer would flow there
but not in a frat party sort of way; but more in a Chestertonian drink life in
sort of way. The brotherhood I had with
the Knights was solidified there and the friendships I made out of household
where made there. It was a place that
for me embodied not what the college experience in our culture is but what it
should be.
My three years there went by fast but I also feel like I was
able to drink in every single moment. My
second year I spent my first semester in Austria. I made some incredible friends there and
traveled all over Europe. I experienced
the universality of our Church. I prayed
in front of Maximillian Kolbe’s starvation cell in Auschwitz, knelt before the
image of Our Lady of Chestahova, saw the Shroud of Turin, drank sangria in a
square in Barcelona, went to the Prado in Madrid, saw the flesh of my Lord in
Santarem, experienced Fatima on October 13th, prayed before the tomb
of St. Therese in Lisieux, saw an incorrupt St. Katherine at the miraculous
medal shrine, bathed in the waters of Lourdes, went to a papal audience with JP
II, walked through the Holy doors of St. Peters, took in the ancient city of
Rome, visited St. Anthony in Padua, saw the original Portiuncula in Assisi, walked
the streets of Venice, hiked through the Swiss Alps, and enjoyed the beauty of
Austria. I got to do all that with some of my best
friends in the world. We laughed with
one another, irritated each other on long trips, drank beer from a giant glass boot,
and experienced mass in some of the most beautiful churches in the world. That semester was one of the most formative
of my time there.
My last three semesters on campus continued to bring new
adventures and joys. I was humbled to be
coordinator of the Knights my senior year.
I soaked in every ounce of my Theology classes and continued to enjoy
the brotherhood in my household and the other friendships I had. There were many late nights studying, some
serious foosball playing in Adrien’s basement, and random bonfires down by the
river. It really is hard to sum up my
entire experience there but it was one that I will always look back on with a
heart full of joy. I am blessed beyond
words to have had the opportunity to be a student at Franciscan University of Steubenville.
To conclude I give you my top 10 things, in no particular
order, I miss about my time in Steubenville (although there could be many more
but for the sake of bringing this blog to a close I’ll keep it to 10):
1.
Skipping class to go to Twines (A dumpy out door
trailer bar at the bottom of the hill).
2.
Nights at the Castle on fourth street.
3.
A Knight with the Flowers (Formal wine and
cheese Christmas party we did with the Little Flowers)
4.
Bull Dog Nights with Adrien, Trina, and the gang
5.
Lords Day and Household Holy Hour
6.
Spanky’s after mass on Sundays
7.
Bonfires down by the Ohio River
8.
Driving to Pittsburgh to go to Mulayney’s Harp
and Fiddle
9.
Being able to easily scandalize the overly pious
people
10.
Parties and Foosball at the Angel House Senior
Year
Here’s to the memories we all hold dear and the friendships
we are blessed to still have from our years at good old Franciscan U. Happy 10 years class of 2002!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
In the Blink of an Eye
It has been one week since my daughter was born. It is funny how much can change in the blink
of an eye. I can’t even begin to fully
describe it but my life has forever changed.
Yeah that is a pretty “no duh” statement but I needed to say it. Why?
Well while Mary Beth was pregnant everyone kept telling me that my life
was about to change. Every single one of
my friends who has children has told me numerous times that it changes you and
turns your world upside down. The thing
was I completely believed them. Not
believing them wasn’t the issue. The
fact of the matter is that you can kind of get it, you can prepare for it in
different ways but you don’t ever fully get it until that little bundle of joy
actually arrives.
On Tuesday I went to work out for the first time since
Sophia arrived. I got on the treadmill
and as I was running thought to myself, “The last time I was here Sophia wasn’t
born yet. Wow! I know it has only been 4 days since the last
time I was here but it feels like a lifetime ago.” All of a sudden my world pre-Sophia began to
feel like a very distant memory. A smile
came to my face. Everything in my life
leading up to this point had been wonderful but from here on out I knew I never
wanted to go back. I never wanted to
know what life was like without Sophia in it again. It is crazy how quickly that feeling sets in.
God has molded me in very different ways throughout every
part of my life. In my childhood he showed
me His great love through the presence of my family. In High School he started re-building self-confidence
in me I had somehow lost along the way and brought me to an encounter with my
faith that started the journey I’m on today.
In college he affirmed my manhood and brought a lot of healing to my
life through the amazing brotherhood I had with my household and gave me a deep
and abiding love for His Church. In my first years of teaching He showed me how
to grow in patience, trust, and instilled deeper virtue within me. Through my years in graduate school God
showed me true abandonment to divine providence. He stripped me of my desire and need to
always be in control and showed me how to rely on nothing except for Him. It was in this moment of finally
relinquishing control that He brought Mary Beth into my life. Through our time of engagement and first year
back to teaching in Wichita God continued to prepare me for this moment as He
showed me how to love even when it was difficult. He showed me what it means to truly enter
into the covenant of marriage.
Throughout our first year of marriage God showered us with many graces
and taught us how to love one another more profoundly and work on our
relationship. I firmly believe that every
one of those moments and times in my life have been moments of grace to prepare
me to be a father. I am not fully aware
of the ways God is going to continue to shape and mold me throughout this
experience of being a father but I have a feeling it will be full of joy, excitement,
happiness, heartache, pain, and sheer bliss.
I am excited to see where life takes our little family from here.
Last night Sophia slept soundly on my lap and as Mary
Beth slept next to me on the couch as we watched Harry Potter. It was a very surreal moment for me as I
thought to myself that a week ago I didn’t even know what Sophia looked
like. I sat there thinking that within a
couple years or even sooner she will be too big to sleep on my lap. However the most amazing yet difficult thing
to swallow is that I am responsible for her eternal soul! Not only that, God
used me and my wife to help bring this new eternal soul into being. This to me is so humbling and awesome that I
don’t know if my mind will ever be able to fully wrap itself around it.
I am in love with my little girl. I am in love with my wife. I am in love with my life. The last week has been hard in the sense that
I no longer have my old routine and don’t think I’ll ever get it back. I am going to have to start figuring out a
new routine and even that will be one that has to be much more flexible than
the old one cause as I’ve already learned in the last week, kids are
unpredictable! However anything worth it
in this life is hard and if this is what hard is then I will take it any day of
the week!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Along Came Sophia
Sophia Rose arrived a few days “late” but she is here. Here is the story of how she joined us:
All last week Mary Beth subbed at Carroll. My students kept bugging me throughout the week and wondering when we were going to have this baby. I spent all week leaving behind lesson plans “just in case” and updating them daily. As I would do it I kept thinking to myself, “I bet anything this baby doesn’t show up until the 27th or 28th of April. I think she will be two weeks late.”
On Thursday (April 19th) Mary Beth was officially 4 days “overdue” and we headed to a doctor’s appointment. The doctor told her everything was healthy and fine but she wanted to do an ultra sound and bio-physical profile of the baby on Monday the 23rd if she hadn’t had the baby by then. After the appointment I took her to the chiropractor to get adjusted and then Chic-fil-a to get herself some dinner. We then headed back for me to get my car from work and head to Knights for the evening. On the way back from the doctor’s I jokingly said to Mary Beth, “If Sophia decides she wants to come out soon she needs to wait until Saturday cause I do not want a 4/20 baby!” We both laughed and figured she would not be coming this next weekend.
That evening I went to Knights and she had her sisterhood bible study at the house. The Knights were all talking about a BBQ and washers tournament on Sunday and asked if I would be there. I told them that if there was no baby yet I would be and figured the earliest Sophia would arrive was Monday. When I got home the girls from the bible study started to disperse and Mary Beth and I started to get ready for bed. She then says to me, “Now that you told Sophia she couldn’t come tomorrow she totally is.” To which I replied, “What makes you think that?” “Well, I’ve been getting some very light Braxton hicks contractions.” I just laughed and thought well if that is the case, here we go.
At about 3a.m. I wake up to go to the bathroom and she tells me, “Sophia is totally coming today.” I say, “Are you having contractions?” “Yeah, light ones about every 7 minutes since about a half hour ago” she says. “Well either way here we go I guess.” We proceeded to both sleep on and off and toss and turn for the next hour until my alarm went off for me to get up and go to the gym. She said she was still comfortable and I was good to head to the gym and go to work and she would let me know if things got worse and wanted me at home. I headed out about 4:40a.m. to go to muscle pump class and run on the treadmill. After I got done with my workout I called home to check on Mary Beth. She said contractions had gone down to every 10 minutes instead of every 7 and had gone back to sleep.
I got to school and told our assistant principle that I was on call and might have to suddenly leave during the day and he told me no problem. I didn’t think I would make it past 4th period but ended up making it through the whole day. I called to check in on Mary Beth three or four times throughout the day and every time she said she was doing fine and not much progression had occurred. When the school day ended I called to see if it was ok for me to go to mass before I came home but at that point she was ready for me to come home. I quickly packed up my stuff and headed back to the house. I found her a little more uncomfortable. Her contractions were a little more painful than earlier in the day and were at 6 minutes apart.
We decided to head to the grocery store to pick up some snacks and have her walk around some. We also called our doctor so we could just stop into her office and have her check Mary Beth to see if we were close to Hospital admittance time. We met her at the hospital since she was already there after another delivery. She told us Mary Beth was dilated to a 2 and told us we could either be admitted or head home for a while. We told her we would just go home and labor a while longer. On the way home we went through the Chick-fil-a drive thru, got some dinner and headed home. We were at home from about 6:30p.m. until around midnight working through contractions. It was fairly relaxed as we watched TV. and Mary Beth drew a warm bath and sat in it with a glass of wine and working through contractions. I simply did my best to keep her relaxed and give her encouragement. At around 11:00 her contractions were between 2.5 and 3 minutes apart lasting about 45-50 seconds each. I decided we should start thinking about moving to the hospital. By 11:30 we were still at home and her contractions had gone back down to being 5 minutes apart. I decided to let her labor at home for another 30 minutes. At midnight, though, I decided it was time to head to the hospital even though her contractions were not any closer together but they seemed to be causing her more pain than the others had up to that point.
We arrived at the Hospital around 12:30. By 1:00a.m. she was hooked up to the external monitor. Her contractions were at about 5 minutes apart and she was now dilated between a 5 and a 6. After they got all the readings they wanted from the monitor they checked us into our labor and delivery room and we began our very long stay at the hospital. She spent the first 40 minutes laboring in the hospital tub followed by 20 minutes back on the monitor. This pattern followed the rest of the night, 40 minutes laboring throughout the room wandering freely and 20 minutes back on the monitor. At around 3:00 a.m. the nurse checked her again and she had dilated to an 8. At that point I figured we would for sure have a baby by 5:00 or 6:00a.m. When 5:00a.m. rolled around she was still at an 8. At this point Mary Beth began to get frustrated and seemed to be experiencing pain even more intensely. She began to look discouraged and defeated. I continued to encourage her but was amazed by the strength and poise of my wife. Even in the midst of her discouragement and frustration she did not ask for drugs and continued to try and relax herself and tell herself that her body was meant to do this.
At around 6:45 a.m. I noticed Mary Beth had not had a contraction for about 20 minutes. I did not think this was a good sign since she had consistently been having contractions every 5 minutes all night. I paged our doctor and nurse since at that point they had both stepped out of the room. It took them about 10 minutes to come back and still at that point no contractions for 30 minutes. We laid Mary Beth on the bed so the doctor could check her again. Right before she went in to check her Mary Beth finally had another contraction. Once the contraction was over she checked her and she was fully dilated but her bag of waters had not broken. At that point she asked Mary Beth if she just want her to go in and break the bag of waters for her. We agreed and at about 7:30 she had her bag of waters broken. Thankfully she did cause things finally sped up somewhat after that. Finally at around 7:50 she started pushing. She pushed for two hours!
At 9:52a.m. Sophia Rose arrived into the world. She is a big, beautiful healthy girl. She weighed 8 lbs 4 oz and was 20 inches long. They immediately put her on Mary Beth so Sophia could get some skin to skin contact with mommy for the first hour of life.
I cannot even put into words what I felt the moment my daughter was born. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. I am in complete and total awe at the miracle of life. I am completely and totally in love with my little girl. I honestly never knew I could love someone that much and that quickly. In addition to this I am even more in love with my wife. Her strength amazes me. She labored for 31 hours and did it without any drugs. There were moments I wanted to throw in the towel for her and ask for drugs but remained strong and encouraging for her. She never once asked for them and was a soldier through the whole thing. She is recovering well. I am excited to begin the journey of parenthood. I am in awe of God’s love and humbled by the fact that I am able to cooperate with him in bringing a new soul into this world. I never imagined I would be this blessed or love this much.
All last week Mary Beth subbed at Carroll. My students kept bugging me throughout the week and wondering when we were going to have this baby. I spent all week leaving behind lesson plans “just in case” and updating them daily. As I would do it I kept thinking to myself, “I bet anything this baby doesn’t show up until the 27th or 28th of April. I think she will be two weeks late.”
On Thursday (April 19th) Mary Beth was officially 4 days “overdue” and we headed to a doctor’s appointment. The doctor told her everything was healthy and fine but she wanted to do an ultra sound and bio-physical profile of the baby on Monday the 23rd if she hadn’t had the baby by then. After the appointment I took her to the chiropractor to get adjusted and then Chic-fil-a to get herself some dinner. We then headed back for me to get my car from work and head to Knights for the evening. On the way back from the doctor’s I jokingly said to Mary Beth, “If Sophia decides she wants to come out soon she needs to wait until Saturday cause I do not want a 4/20 baby!” We both laughed and figured she would not be coming this next weekend.
That evening I went to Knights and she had her sisterhood bible study at the house. The Knights were all talking about a BBQ and washers tournament on Sunday and asked if I would be there. I told them that if there was no baby yet I would be and figured the earliest Sophia would arrive was Monday. When I got home the girls from the bible study started to disperse and Mary Beth and I started to get ready for bed. She then says to me, “Now that you told Sophia she couldn’t come tomorrow she totally is.” To which I replied, “What makes you think that?” “Well, I’ve been getting some very light Braxton hicks contractions.” I just laughed and thought well if that is the case, here we go.
At about 3a.m. I wake up to go to the bathroom and she tells me, “Sophia is totally coming today.” I say, “Are you having contractions?” “Yeah, light ones about every 7 minutes since about a half hour ago” she says. “Well either way here we go I guess.” We proceeded to both sleep on and off and toss and turn for the next hour until my alarm went off for me to get up and go to the gym. She said she was still comfortable and I was good to head to the gym and go to work and she would let me know if things got worse and wanted me at home. I headed out about 4:40a.m. to go to muscle pump class and run on the treadmill. After I got done with my workout I called home to check on Mary Beth. She said contractions had gone down to every 10 minutes instead of every 7 and had gone back to sleep.
I got to school and told our assistant principle that I was on call and might have to suddenly leave during the day and he told me no problem. I didn’t think I would make it past 4th period but ended up making it through the whole day. I called to check in on Mary Beth three or four times throughout the day and every time she said she was doing fine and not much progression had occurred. When the school day ended I called to see if it was ok for me to go to mass before I came home but at that point she was ready for me to come home. I quickly packed up my stuff and headed back to the house. I found her a little more uncomfortable. Her contractions were a little more painful than earlier in the day and were at 6 minutes apart.
We decided to head to the grocery store to pick up some snacks and have her walk around some. We also called our doctor so we could just stop into her office and have her check Mary Beth to see if we were close to Hospital admittance time. We met her at the hospital since she was already there after another delivery. She told us Mary Beth was dilated to a 2 and told us we could either be admitted or head home for a while. We told her we would just go home and labor a while longer. On the way home we went through the Chick-fil-a drive thru, got some dinner and headed home. We were at home from about 6:30p.m. until around midnight working through contractions. It was fairly relaxed as we watched TV. and Mary Beth drew a warm bath and sat in it with a glass of wine and working through contractions. I simply did my best to keep her relaxed and give her encouragement. At around 11:00 her contractions were between 2.5 and 3 minutes apart lasting about 45-50 seconds each. I decided we should start thinking about moving to the hospital. By 11:30 we were still at home and her contractions had gone back down to being 5 minutes apart. I decided to let her labor at home for another 30 minutes. At midnight, though, I decided it was time to head to the hospital even though her contractions were not any closer together but they seemed to be causing her more pain than the others had up to that point.
We arrived at the Hospital around 12:30. By 1:00a.m. she was hooked up to the external monitor. Her contractions were at about 5 minutes apart and she was now dilated between a 5 and a 6. After they got all the readings they wanted from the monitor they checked us into our labor and delivery room and we began our very long stay at the hospital. She spent the first 40 minutes laboring in the hospital tub followed by 20 minutes back on the monitor. This pattern followed the rest of the night, 40 minutes laboring throughout the room wandering freely and 20 minutes back on the monitor. At around 3:00 a.m. the nurse checked her again and she had dilated to an 8. At that point I figured we would for sure have a baby by 5:00 or 6:00a.m. When 5:00a.m. rolled around she was still at an 8. At this point Mary Beth began to get frustrated and seemed to be experiencing pain even more intensely. She began to look discouraged and defeated. I continued to encourage her but was amazed by the strength and poise of my wife. Even in the midst of her discouragement and frustration she did not ask for drugs and continued to try and relax herself and tell herself that her body was meant to do this.
At around 6:45 a.m. I noticed Mary Beth had not had a contraction for about 20 minutes. I did not think this was a good sign since she had consistently been having contractions every 5 minutes all night. I paged our doctor and nurse since at that point they had both stepped out of the room. It took them about 10 minutes to come back and still at that point no contractions for 30 minutes. We laid Mary Beth on the bed so the doctor could check her again. Right before she went in to check her Mary Beth finally had another contraction. Once the contraction was over she checked her and she was fully dilated but her bag of waters had not broken. At that point she asked Mary Beth if she just want her to go in and break the bag of waters for her. We agreed and at about 7:30 she had her bag of waters broken. Thankfully she did cause things finally sped up somewhat after that. Finally at around 7:50 she started pushing. She pushed for two hours!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Overturning Tables and Loving the Adulterous
Earlier this week I had a moment where I snapped at one of my classes. I was sick and tired of their apathy and attitude of entitlement. This particular class seems to want everything spoon fed to them and they have very little work ethic. I get the impression from them most days that they refuse to use their brains, hate hard work, and are very indifferent to the faith. On this particular day they were refusing to take an activity we were doing seriously so I let them have it. I can honestly say that my motivation behind going off on them was initially good and out of love but I may have been a little harsh on them. Despite their lazy attitudes I really love these kids. I want them to love Jesus so much but I look out at them every day and my heart aches a little bit because they are all living in a false reality. They do not realize they are products of their culture. They do not recognize truth even though they have been exposed to it every day. As their religion teacher I have been entrusted with the responsibility to do what seems like the impossible: LOVINGLY give them the TRUTH without making them hate the faith in an atmosphere where they are forced to listen to me whether they like it or not. How can I be effective at this?
What is the proper balance between truth and love? As a Catholic man this is a question I have always struggled with. For some reason there are two stories in the Gospels that have always stood out to me a very profound way. One of those is the story of the woman Caught in Adultery:
But early in the morning he arrived again in the temple area, and all the people started coming to him, and he sat down and taught them. Then the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery and made her stand in the middle. They said to him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” They said this to test him, so that they could have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger. But when they continued asking him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he bent down and wrote on the ground. And in response, they went away one by one, beginning with the elders. So he was left alone with the woman before him. Then Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She replied, “No one, sir.” Then Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go, [and] from now on do not sin anymore.” (John 8:2-11)
The other one is the cleansing of the Temple:
Since the Passover of the Jews was near, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. He found in the temple area those who sold oxen, sheep, and doves, as well as the money-changers seated there He made a whip out of cords and drove them all out of the temple area, with the sheep and oxen, and spilled the coins of the money-changers and overturned their tables, and to those who sold doves he said, “Take these out of here, and stop making my Father’s house a marketplace.” (John 2: 13-16)
I think both of these passages exemplify Jesus’ ability to communicate the truth with love. One passage shows a very compassionate and merciful Jesus. The other passage shows Jesus telling it like it is and ticking some people off. Some would argue that the first is loving while the second is not. I would argue that both of these actions reveal God’s love very powerfully. In the first, we often only focus on the woman caught in adultery and how forgiving and loving Jesus was with her but the truth of it is that while he embraced her, this pissed the Pharisees off. He called them out and made them look bad in front of everyone. In the second, it would seem like this is a very angry Jesus. The modern world would not look at this action as loving because it isn’t very “nice” to tell people they are wrong about something. Well, in Jesus calling them out and overturning the tables He was being loving because He was concerned for their souls. He saw that by desecrating the temple and treating it like a marketplace they were harming themselves and the community. He displayed a sort of righteous and justifiable anger that was fueled by love.
My struggle is how do we find that same balance? I often wonder if I am communicating the truth with love. The fact of the matter is that I can’t simply judge this based on whether or not me saying something pisses someone off. Sometimes the truth hurts. The truth has a way of challenging us and making us uncomfortable. This causes us to react negatively when we hear it. This does not mean it was not communicated to us in love. Sometimes we need to hear the truth in the way the woman caught in adultery heard it and sometimes we need to hear the truth in the way the Pharisees heard it. When love is not rooted in the truth it simply is not real love. I believe Pope Benedict XVI articulates this very well in his encyclical, Caritas in Veritatae when he writes:
“Through this close link with truth, charity can be recognized as an authentic expression of humanity and as an element of fundamental importance in human relations, including those of a public nature. Only in truth does charity shine forth, only in truth can charity be authentically lived. Truth is the light that gives meaning and value to charity. That light is both the light of reason and the light of faith, through which the intellect attains to the natural and supernatural truth of charity: it grasps its meaning as gift, acceptance, and communion. Without truth, charity degenerates into sentimentality. Love becomes an empty shell, to be filled in an arbitrary way” (3).
How do we find this balance between truth and love in a culture where love truly has “become an empty shell to be filled in an arbitrary way”? People seem to just want to create their own realities and when anyone tries to show them the illusion they are living in they accuse that person of being intolerant and unloving. How do I as a Christian speak the truth in a way that wins people over when people don’t really want to be won over? How do I “overturn the tables” so to speak in the lives of my students, friends, and family members that need to be overturned without pushing them further away from the faith? How can I give them a “woman caught in adultery” experience while at the same time overturning their tables?
The fact is that part of loving people involves speaking the truth. As Christians we cannot keep silent or simply accept an individual or a government’s sinful behavior. We have to be willing to speak the truth even when others get hurt or offended or perceive that as “unloving”. But at the same time we have to do it in a way that is not tainted with our own selfish motives and desires. This is a tough balance to strike. Personally, I know that I am guilty of both sharing the truth without love and “loving” without the truth. There have been times when I have not proclaimed the truth fully for fear of being rejected by someone. There have also been times when I have preached the truth in a way that is unloving. It is a tough balance to strike. However sadly I think most of the time people forsake the truth for the sake of being “loving”. That in itself is devoid of love. We cannot be afraid of offending people.
Finding the balance between truth and love is an art form. It is something that is a work in progress for me. If anyone has any suggestions or experiences on how to find this balance please feel free to share :)!
What is the proper balance between truth and love? As a Catholic man this is a question I have always struggled with. For some reason there are two stories in the Gospels that have always stood out to me a very profound way. One of those is the story of the woman Caught in Adultery:
But early in the morning he arrived again in the temple area, and all the people started coming to him, and he sat down and taught them. Then the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery and made her stand in the middle. They said to him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” They said this to test him, so that they could have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger. But when they continued asking him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he bent down and wrote on the ground. And in response, they went away one by one, beginning with the elders. So he was left alone with the woman before him. Then Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She replied, “No one, sir.” Then Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go, [and] from now on do not sin anymore.” (John 8:2-11)
The other one is the cleansing of the Temple:
Since the Passover of the Jews was near, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. He found in the temple area those who sold oxen, sheep, and doves, as well as the money-changers seated there He made a whip out of cords and drove them all out of the temple area, with the sheep and oxen, and spilled the coins of the money-changers and overturned their tables, and to those who sold doves he said, “Take these out of here, and stop making my Father’s house a marketplace.” (John 2: 13-16)
I think both of these passages exemplify Jesus’ ability to communicate the truth with love. One passage shows a very compassionate and merciful Jesus. The other passage shows Jesus telling it like it is and ticking some people off. Some would argue that the first is loving while the second is not. I would argue that both of these actions reveal God’s love very powerfully. In the first, we often only focus on the woman caught in adultery and how forgiving and loving Jesus was with her but the truth of it is that while he embraced her, this pissed the Pharisees off. He called them out and made them look bad in front of everyone. In the second, it would seem like this is a very angry Jesus. The modern world would not look at this action as loving because it isn’t very “nice” to tell people they are wrong about something. Well, in Jesus calling them out and overturning the tables He was being loving because He was concerned for their souls. He saw that by desecrating the temple and treating it like a marketplace they were harming themselves and the community. He displayed a sort of righteous and justifiable anger that was fueled by love.
My struggle is how do we find that same balance? I often wonder if I am communicating the truth with love. The fact of the matter is that I can’t simply judge this based on whether or not me saying something pisses someone off. Sometimes the truth hurts. The truth has a way of challenging us and making us uncomfortable. This causes us to react negatively when we hear it. This does not mean it was not communicated to us in love. Sometimes we need to hear the truth in the way the woman caught in adultery heard it and sometimes we need to hear the truth in the way the Pharisees heard it. When love is not rooted in the truth it simply is not real love. I believe Pope Benedict XVI articulates this very well in his encyclical, Caritas in Veritatae when he writes:
“Through this close link with truth, charity can be recognized as an authentic expression of humanity and as an element of fundamental importance in human relations, including those of a public nature. Only in truth does charity shine forth, only in truth can charity be authentically lived. Truth is the light that gives meaning and value to charity. That light is both the light of reason and the light of faith, through which the intellect attains to the natural and supernatural truth of charity: it grasps its meaning as gift, acceptance, and communion. Without truth, charity degenerates into sentimentality. Love becomes an empty shell, to be filled in an arbitrary way” (3).
How do we find this balance between truth and love in a culture where love truly has “become an empty shell to be filled in an arbitrary way”? People seem to just want to create their own realities and when anyone tries to show them the illusion they are living in they accuse that person of being intolerant and unloving. How do I as a Christian speak the truth in a way that wins people over when people don’t really want to be won over? How do I “overturn the tables” so to speak in the lives of my students, friends, and family members that need to be overturned without pushing them further away from the faith? How can I give them a “woman caught in adultery” experience while at the same time overturning their tables?
The fact is that part of loving people involves speaking the truth. As Christians we cannot keep silent or simply accept an individual or a government’s sinful behavior. We have to be willing to speak the truth even when others get hurt or offended or perceive that as “unloving”. But at the same time we have to do it in a way that is not tainted with our own selfish motives and desires. This is a tough balance to strike. Personally, I know that I am guilty of both sharing the truth without love and “loving” without the truth. There have been times when I have not proclaimed the truth fully for fear of being rejected by someone. There have also been times when I have preached the truth in a way that is unloving. It is a tough balance to strike. However sadly I think most of the time people forsake the truth for the sake of being “loving”. That in itself is devoid of love. We cannot be afraid of offending people.
Finding the balance between truth and love is an art form. It is something that is a work in progress for me. If anyone has any suggestions or experiences on how to find this balance please feel free to share :)!
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